Rejection, and how to recover

The feeling of rejection is so painfully profound. To aspire to achieve, to aspire to dream, only to be halted in your tracks is such a debilitating emotion to go through.

In this university application season, I have experienced my fair share of rejection episodes, revealing to me that life is not the one-way street as I once saw it as. it is not an input=output sum game. and as in the words of former FLOTUS Mrs Michelle Obama:

“It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it’s true.”

The reality is that, many at times, those who work tirelessly do not earn what they worked for.

‘Deserve’. a word which has been ringing in my mind these past few weeks. If it is not our effort that merits what we deserve then what is? Over my last 4-5 years of high school, I feel I have given my all, taken calculated risks, and immersed myself in my schools, in my church, in my family with the possibility of leveraging my chances at university and beyond. So when it came to applying for universities, I shot highly. I dreamt big, and for what I find myself asking? Because I thought much is given to those who deserve it. I thought I deserved it.

So I find myself in this undefined limbo: I have cherished the life I lived in high school. the people I met, the relationships I have formed, and the impact I have left. Yet, in the midst of it all, I continue to wonder if there was more I could do? Immersed myself more, been more engaged in school life? I grappled with these questions for so long, their answers I could never fully find.

But in thinking back, I find myself realising three things. The first, there is so much to the university application process I am yet to understand. The ‘holistic admissions’ and ‘need-blind/ aware’ barely scratch the surface of the type of students universities are looking for and can afford. There are so many hidden nuances to it, some that may work in my favour like diversifying the incoming class, and those that work against, looking for more women in stem, supporting more local in-state applicants, and so on.

Those qualities, nothing more than labels -male, black, international- are attached to us as students and play a role in influencing who gets in, yet they say nothing about who we truly are and what we can contribute. At the heart of it, universities operate like businesses, choosing the right inputs (students) to maximize the output (the online ratings, the alumni donations, the expansive alumni network). So, viewing rejection as a personal jab at our identities is not only misguided, but would do nothing but hurt us in the end.

Secondly, what’s happened in the past, happened in the past. Yes, there’s a way to revisit past mistakes to make sure they don’t recur, but mourning over and wishing things were better does nothing but bring nothing about sorrow and pain. Not at all worth it. Think about it, every hair pulled out of duress changes nothing in the past, but leaves a bold patch for your future to deal with. So whatever decisions we make now, can only change the future, and does nothing for the events that have already passed.

And to be frank, at the end of it all, I came to the conclusion that I really did give it my all. Through all these years, I gave my time, my energy, all of me, wholeheartedly, into doing the things I loved. So though it hurts to imagine my ‘all’ wasn’t good enough, I find so much comfort in knowing that there was nothing more I could have done. That, in itself, deserves to be acknowledged in its own merit.

And for you, my readers if you too are grappling with moving past the feeling of rejection, take time to actually focus on the strides you have made so far. To be frank, even just completing high school, writing a personal statement and supplemental essays, and putting yourself out there, should not go without acknowledgement. Take pride in yourself for how far you have come, and from there, remind yourself of how far you want to go.

The college you belong to is nothing but a label, the same that played a role in getting us in the first place. It doesn’t define me, it is the choices that we make from now on that do. So for now, all I imagine we really can do is lift our heads up and keep giving it our all, till that right door eventually opens up. We have the power, and the choice, to define ourselves, no matter where we go.

As the Serenity Prayer goes:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” Amen!